Our emotions are a wonderful gift from God. Without them how would we know love, and laughter… the joy of hearing your favorite song and dancing like nobody’s watching, … the thrill of accomplishing a goal or the fulfillment in doing something that brings you joy?
Our emotions often serve as the driving force to move us in the direction we want to go and gives us the determination to follow our dreams. Even anger can be used as an energizing force or catalyst to spur us in the right direction.
Far too many of us have been taught to suppress or ignore our emotions rather than embrace them. If you think about it, our emotions are what makes us human. They give us the ability to connect and communicate with others. Emotions help us understand ourselves and one another. You’ve heard of the fight or flight response… well that survival response is based on emotion. They help us know when to dig our heels in and resist what’s coming against us, or leave a situation for our safety and protection, or stay by the side of a friend in need.
There are negative connotations pertaining to emotions but the truth is they can be both a friend and a foe depending on how we use them. Whatever you do, don’t suppress your emotions. Multiple research studies have revealed that blocking the emotions aka “penned up emotions” can lead to increasingly aggressive and agitated behavior.
If the emotions are not acknowledged and addressed, they can become overwhelming and can negatively impact one’s ability to think clearly and logically. Suppressed emotions can even cause significant physical health issues such as heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and gastrointestinal ulcers as well as impaired immune systems. In this way our emotions are our foes because we have not adequately dealt with them.
It can seem daunting to begin to actually feel your emotions, especially if you have been taught to ignore them. However, feeling and embracing our emotions helps us to release them and move forward; even the most difficult emotions do not last forever.
I remember when I was going through my divorce … it was a very difficult time. I felt betrayed, and devalued. If I didn’t have children, who were also suffering, I probably would have embraced depression like a garment. But I couldn’t afford to sink into despair. Yet my feelings were real. If I hadn’t acknowledged them and tried to go on with life, pretending that I was OK, they would have engulfed me and sapped all my energy and depleted my resolve to live and get on with my life… such as it was.
Still I had friends that would try to cheer me up. They just didn’t want to see me suffer. But I didn’t want to fake smile or fain laughter so I told them, “I have to feel what I am feeling. I have to acknowledge my pain, I have to recognize the emptiness of the loss … It’s the only way I can survive.” It’s like I had to cut out the cancer if I really wanted to heal.
If I had not leaned into my emotions … to pay attention to them … the emotions would have been foes. They would have continued to rob me of myself … of my life.
Instead, the sadness let me know that I am human and very capable of loving. The anger let me know that I’m a fighter and dag gone it I’m not going to let anyone treat me and my kids like we aren’t significant and valuable.
The fear was the hardest. I knew I had to overcome it but it was not easy at all. I had to acknowledge that I was afraid and didn’t quite know what to do with my life that had fallen apart. But once I faced my fears, I was able to use the fear to help me in my resolve to move forward.
Mind you, it didn’t happen quickly. I had some sleepless nights and shed many tears. But in the end the fear helped me to know myself better. Facing the fear actually affirmed that I am stronger than I thought. AND I can persevere. I’m not only a survivor… I’m a thriver!
So, you see even my “negative feelings” were my friends.
If you need help managing your emotions … get the help you need. Talk with friends, seek out your clergy, make an appointment with a professional counsellor/ therapist, or connect with a support group.
Turn those emotions into your friends and use them as the wind beneath your wings.